Soccer season.
There is nothing like it.
The lads in the Army and the boys on the pitch.
Oh how I crave a match.
As a fan, sometimes is hard to watch.
I want my boys to win so bad.
Victory...there is no feeling like it.
How I want just one more chance.
On the pitch. With my boots. With the guys.
Come next week we'll get our chance.
Will we win? Who knows.
But I know I will love every moment.
Every touch.
But will it be the same?
I'm getting old.
My knees are stiff.
My muscles yell at me when I run.
Who cares.
I love this game.
Soccer season.
There is nothing like it.
I'm so glad your here.
I hear your passion for soccer. I'm not sure I understand all of the references you make...Army?
ReplyDeleteI think it might read better if there were breaks. Maybe after the fourth line,after the seventh line, then I'm not sure. Maybe a break when you say I'm getting old and then again with I love this game. Try it out and see what you think.
Overall I like what you've written.
Phil the passion for sports is bleeding through the seams of this poem. I truly think that those who love sports are more inclined to understand the references. I agree with Teri though that some breaks beyond just a new line would allow the poem to flow with more emotions.
ReplyDeletePhil--Good for you that you play soccer! Too much running for me. Why not close with the same beginning. You almost do but move Soccer season to the very last line.
ReplyDeleteYou might also want to try other line breaks with some of the short sentences. Here is an example:
On the pitch.
With my boots.
With the guys.
I agree with the others. Put breaks in the lines and tighten up some of the wording.
ReplyDeleteBecause I think short (choppy) sentences add the feeling of the frustration you feel about not playing to the poem and it also lets the passion you feel come through.
Good job!